someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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