oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
