Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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