I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
