Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
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Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize