Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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