The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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