Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
