His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
