he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
