And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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