im drinking this country out of the recession.
Non-Jews are for practice
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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