i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
My feet surprised me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
