I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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