something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
