Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
