Kiss
Puke
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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