i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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