god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We smell like vodka and hangover
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
