Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
