Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
