he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
