can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
