This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
