Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well I just put wine in my tea
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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