I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
