I feel like I'm in dance class right now
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
