You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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