Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
