So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
