she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
