I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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