is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
