yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
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by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
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he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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