He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
