cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
