She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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