your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
