do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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