oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
