Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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