And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
