Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My Higher Power is John Stamos
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize