if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
