You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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