hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
