I'm lost and stupid without you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
