she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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