we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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