So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
