I got chris browned last night
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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