My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boobs speak an international language.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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