Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
