The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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