seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
