You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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