You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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