I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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