My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
