New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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