He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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